I woke up early this morning in Copenhagen, Denmark to discover that our lobby call time has been pushed back 2 hours because our tour manager mixed up the times we have to arrive at the ferry boat to cross the English Channel. So I went down to eat a light breakfast and came back up to my room to check Facebook and there it was as always...
I think we all can agree that you can't get on social media now a days without seeing a post about relationships, dating, and 10 to 33 things you should and should not be looking for in a relationship on your feed or timeline...
I had a really great conversation with my aunt a couple of months back at my family reunion when she asked me what is going on with people my age and dating?
"Dating is suppose to be fun! What happened to mingling and getting to know people? Your generation has it backwards....You date and have fun until you find someone you share a mutual vibe with that is better than all the other people you're dating... Hopefully at that time the both of you can move forward...9 times out of 10 someone will be ready before the other cause that's just how life goes....BUT just because they're not ready doesn't mean you throw in the towel...Keep dating and having fun and they might come around sooner than you think...or some one else will HAHAHAHAHAHA (aunty laugh) but all of these questions ya'll asking....are you dating anyone else? How many people you dating? That didn't fly in my day...that was none of your business...your generation is to NOSEY. Dating was fun in our day and it should still be that way!"
-My Aunt (I'm not gonna put her name out there)
I mean you gotta love the aunty laugh...It's just packed with so much love and makes the statement so much realer!
I agree with what she said though....
I also feel that there's a lot of societal pressures that my generation takes on when it comes to being in a relationship, getting married, and starting a family. Clearly, a lot of us are getting married later than our parents generation and I watch the pressure consume some of my friends. It's rare night if I'm out in the streets hanging out and somehow, someway, the conversation of dating and relationships doesn't come up in the conversation. Then you hear people talk about their dating lives in detail. Most of the time I hear so many of the same things over and over and OVER again...
These are my top 4 dating in the Two-Thousand Teens statement...
1.) I hate feeling like I'm not good enough for him
2.) She's to intimidating for me
3.) I don't feel needed by him/her
4.) There aren't any good Men/Women out here
Let's start with "I hate feeling like I'm not good enough for him."
I don't understand how anyone can make you feel like you're not good enough
EVER. I'm baffled by that one. If someone is treating you like you're not good enough I think it might be time to roll out....and if you know you're good enough and better than the dating or relationship situation...why are you stick around? Not feeling good enough for someone is an internal issue that you have to iron out. Always know that you're good enough for anyone...that's very important.
"She's to intimidating for me"
This is an insecurity men need to work out...How are you intimidated? Because she has a good job, is well versed, can speak a couple languages, makes more money than you, follows her dreams, sets goals and meets them.....I can keep going....
Real talk..that's the type of women you need to be seeking out because she's going to challenge you to be better...It's different if she's putting you down...but If she's encouraging you to do better, has your back, and is helpful...That's better than being with a woman that makes you feel good about yourself because she lets you continue to be stagnant...I'm just saying! Intimidation is an indicator of how you feel about yourself...
"I don't feel needed by him/her"
This one is a simple fix....You don't feel needed because they don't need you to do what you want to do for them. Ask what they need you to do and then do it. You cooked him a buffet dinner by candle light and all he wanted was to a 10 piece from Popeye's Louisiana Chicken. You threw her a surprise birthday party and all she wanted was a quiet night at the house with a red velvet cupcake and a candle. You don't feel needed because you keep doing things that you personally like for people who don't like those things!! And then have the nerve to throw it in their face as if they asked you to do it...Ask them what they like and do that! Know who you're dealing with. If they're not your style....ROLL OUT!
"There aren't any good Men/Women out here"
Lies, Lies, and MORE LIES!!! This one is the most incredible of them all. I'm not saying it's easy to find someone to to date and be in a relationship with...but I am saying that there are a lot of good men and women out here that you can date and choose to be in a relationship with. It's a choice! But most of us pass up that choice constantly. There's probably someone in your life that would be a great match for you but they don't look the part in your eyes, or you may care too much about what others would think if you dated someone different from the style of person you normally date (that has yet to work out cause you keep dating the same person over and over again), or maybe your ideal counterpart is unrealistic...All I'm saying is there are good men/women out here so we need to put that to rest.
I do feel my generation is often looking for perfection in relationships and want the man/woman that has movie star features, is going to sweep you off your feet, and give you that fairytale type of love. Realistically, they're gonna be imperfect, piss you off sometimes, disagree with you, and you'll see somethings that you don't like because they're human just like you. The question is with all their flaws do they love you and take care of you and put up with all your funky flaws too! That's who you need...a friend...not a trophy piece...
Lastly, I understand that people want a companion in life and that's fair...just be careful with the pressure you put on yourself to "have a companion." Have fun dating because one day you won't be able to. Stop dating and acting like you're in a committed relationship. Know yourself enough to know what you can handle...and be responsible and accountable for your actions. Don't do anything you don't want to do so you won't have regrets...And if you do...try your best to not make the same mistakes when you date someone else. Pay attention to your patterns and be honest with yourself about what you're looking for.
I like this quote:
“Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.”
― Virginia Satir
I think that kind of atmosphere is also found in a nurturing relationship...
P.S. Make yourself happy! There's more to life than just dating....
Make sure you check out my new album which is a story about a love relationship and much more here.