I hear your spirit calling me early in the morning and I often question if you were here before I open my eyes. As I pull my head from under the covers...I'm greeted by the aroma of candles that watched over me as I fell asleep before blowing them out. I wish I was greeted by the smell of you...what do you smell like? Are your mornings as cold as mines? Are you tired of waking up alone? Often I wonder when all of this will come to an end...I look forward to the end of this era but I'm not in a rush...does that make sense to you?
I deciding to write you this morning because I want to share something with you that has been heavy on my heart. It's about the amount of discord in the love relationships of our day. Is it scary to you that selfishness lives at the core of many hearts and it shows through their daily actions? I've watched the majority of our peers fall in love with idea of getting married but don't want to do the work to maintain a happy marriage. They're not into doing the consistent individual daily work to be their best mentally, emotionally, and physically for themselves let alone someone else. They're not into figuring out the level of responsibility and emotional intelligence their mate must possess in order to care for their fragile heart. They're not into seeing if their lifestyles compliment each other for the better. They're not into their words aligning with their actions. They're not into listening pass their own needs. They're not into being honest with themselves. They're not into having a vision or patience...
They're into what their friends think and have, what their family thinks about them, the way things look to others, the marriage ceremony, the pictures, having babies before they get too old, and most importantly...
They're into their ego!
They don't know that ego and happily ever after are enemies! Happily ever after requires honest hard relentless daily work, self love, giving selfless love to your mate, and bending for them even when it's inconvenient for you. Happily ever after requires forgiveness and an honest soul...and who forgives or tells the truth anymore? Seriously?
They hide their truths so deep inside themselves and cover it with so many lies that the lies become their truth. The lies create this facade that they've been selling to the world for so long that when someone who truly loves them awakens the truth that lives deep inside...the truth revealer becomes their enemy. The truth sets you free but few want to be free at the cost of pain? On the contrary....Who has time to chip away at the facade? Thomas Yates on season three of House of Cards said it best:
"It's tiresome swinging the sledgehammer at the facade just to get a glimpse of the cracks."
What are we doing in our love relationships in 2015?
We're doing exactly what James Redfield wrote over 20 years ago in The Celestine Prophecy:
"Being overly demanding and expecting each other to live in his or her world, to always be there to join in his or her chosen activities."
And when you're unable to do so...a small fire of resentment will begin to burn continuously and you'll know nothing about it until the silence gets so loud that HELL spills out of both of your mouths and the words that are said can't be taken back...
Then they'll question how they got here...
We're setting each other up with unrealistic expectations of each other and our denial and defensiveness of this "set up" is what has led a number of our friends to unhappily ever after and divorce. There has to be a change...
With all that being said...I still truly believe that there's a distinctive group of singles that are fighting for happily ever after right now. They know that it starts with them and they're cleaning out their hearts and making room for a genuine partnership with someone they know is worthy of co-existing and complimenting their soul for the better. Someone they'll honor and won't let their ego taint their view of them in the face of correction cause they know that love corrects and although most people don't like being corrected...they understand man and woman must correct each other out of love to strengthen and sharpen the love. In correction there's no time for defensiveness and grudges...there's only time for apology, reconciliation, forgiveness, and growth.
This distinctive group has a willingness to grow when challenged because they are honest enough with themselves to know that love forces you to grow together or apart. I see myself growing apart from people daily...and that's okay...because I'm growing closer to you.