I was going to start this blog with a nice anecdote to set the tone but I want to get straight to the point. I hear, see, and read numerous thing that disturb me about the state of mind that my peers possess.
I don't think I've ever had more conversations on relationships, marriage, dreams, and careers in my entire life than I've had within the last 5 years.
Let's talk about what I see my peers saying about opportunity and dreams briefly...
They say it comes once in a lifetime and you have to prepare yourself for the moment it knocks...and when it does....kick the door open and cease the moment. You only get one shot! When you're unprepared you miss your chance...
BUT
Then they say...If first you don't succeed, try and try again...lick your wounds, get up, get prepared, and go back out there and fight for what you want. We've seen this time and time again...singers, actors, actresses, business men and women who have totally failed over and over again and chose not to give up and then BAM! They make it! They finally succeed.
The world dresses it up as overnight success but when you get the back story of the years it took to attain their dreams, it reminds us that they had to fight and sacrifice for YEARS....5,10,12,15 years of sacrifice. Learning and adjusting as they go in order to attain the dream they were after. Now that they've attained it, they have to work even harder to keep it...
Let's talk about what I hear my peers saying about love briefly...
Love is complicated...
Love is extremely trying...
Love is a struggle....
Marriage is hard....
"Love is ______________" you fill in the blank...
When love and relationships are brought up....just take a look at people's facial expressions...followed by their sighs and groans. Just check your facebook or twitter feed and you'll find several statuses from romantic relationships to relationships with friends to relationships with parents...of people who are sick and tired of love and have consciously and subconsciously given up on it.
Here's the status and quote I LOVE!!!
"Men/Women are like buses. If you miss one there is always another on the way in 15 minutes"
That's the one I saw this morning that prompted me to write this...I've heard this before and I'm sure that another bus is coming....My question is how many great buses have you seen and missed?
Let's go back to opportunity and dreams....
When we have our eyes set on a specific career and dream...there's a determination and discipline you have to possess to attain it. A willingness to be successful by any means necessary. Extensive training beyond measure that will leave you physically and mentally sore until your body becomes accustomed to it...until it becomes second nature. When you have successfully mastered an area and it's second nature, you move on to training in another realm that you need to master until that becomes second nature...When it comes to opportunity we're taught to never stop disciplining ourselves to attain what he have set our sights on. People go to school for years upon years and spend thousands of dollars to receive expertise in their field in order to be successful. That's dedication...
Let's go back to Love....
What if I told you that love was an opportunity & dream....
What if I told you that love will make you better equipped for your opportunity & dream...
What if I told you that you were taught the basic skills to cease the opportunity of loving someone at a very young age...
I'll come back to that...
QUESTION: Why don't we have that same dedication towards love that we have towards our dreams (re-read the previous paragraph)?
OPPORTUNITY
In order to get a job, you have to send a resume to the company you desire. That resume has to possess a certain amount of basic and advanced skills in order to be granted an interview. The interview is in person so they can see you, ask questions, and determine if you're a good fit for their company based on what you have presented to them.
When you're hired, you arrive at the job not knowing exactly how their system works compared to previous places of employment. On the job training is a must! Your basic skills are your foundation but you have to learn how to use those skills in correlation with the company you're working with in order to make the organization better. Everything that worked at your old job isn't going to work at the new one. They're using a totally different computer, lunch hours are different, meeting times are different, pay day is different, your boss is different, most of the time things are different!
I love how we act when we start new jobs...We're always on time and making sure we're on point in every category. Then slowly but surely you start showing up late...taking longer lunch breaks...and taking the company for granted...
So your boss says something about it and you let them know you'll do better...and you do for a short period of time BUT then you're back to your normal state of being comfortable...
Then you make a major mistake on your job and your boss is pissed off!! You sincerely apologize and assure them that it will never happen again and you do the work because you don't want to get fired! Is it the money that makes you humble when you're wrong?
You're behind on a project that's due at work so you put in the extra hours to make sure that it gets done...staying after your shift and putting in weekend hours so you don't disappoint your boss and the company...
QUESTION: Why don't we treat opportunity & jobs & dreams like we treat love?
Opportunity, jobs, and dreams are like buses...If you miss one there is always another on the way in 15 minutes....
Those other jobs on the way in 15 minutes usually aren't the jobs that will sustain you.
LOVE IS THE OPPORTUNITY & DREAM
We have to understand this concept or we're going to lose. Love is an opportunity that you are equipped to attain and sustain only if you choose it.
We received the basic skills at a young age:
-Be polite
-Say please & thank you.
-Listen to understand.
-Don't interrupt when someone is speaking.
-Verbally express your appreciation for someone and back it up with action.
-When you're wrong, apologize and do better by showing it over time.
These basic skills prepare you to cease the opportunity of love. It's the on the job training that is killing marriages and relationships around the globe. What worked with your old lover isn't going to work with a new one! Take the good traits you learned in the previous relationships and leave the bad traits behind. Work on your bad traits from previous relationships so you can sustain the new relationship. Learn the person you're in a relationship with. If you don't know how to do something on the job don't you ask your boss? If your boss doesn't like something don't you change? Think about it....
Speaking of bosses...
QUESTION: Why don't we treat our spouse or lover like our boss or our company?
Did you make a mistake with your spouse or lover and apologize sincerely and assure them it won't happen again and worked to make sure that it didn't? When the trust is missing do you decide to get up, get prepared, and go back out there and fight for what you want and gain the trust back?
Have you taken your lover for granted? Not giving them the deserved time? Are you late for what they want to do. Not giving them your all...are you slipping on the job?
Because you're slipping...are you going to show a willingness to let them know they're worth it by putting in the extra hours to make sure that their needs are met...working overtime and putting in weekend hours so you don't disappoint your lover?
Love is the opportunity & dream that will sustain you when your opportunity, job, and dreams won't! But you have to choose to work tirelessly for it like you do for your boss, company, and dream.
I'm thankful that my father taught me that yes...every 15 minutes a new woman will come along like a bus...but the woman you want to catch doesn't come along like the 15 minute bus...you're lucky if you see that bus 2 or 3 times in your life. So if you're on that bus, fight to stay on it...and if you happen to find yourself kicked off that bus, run it down and bang on it and do what it takes to get back on it and stay on it...and if it's out of reach...prepare yourself and pray that if and when it comes back around, you don't make the same mistakes.
This is for men and women. If someone is worth it, don't act like they're the 15 min. commuter bus...
And if you've been that bus that someone took for granted, keep riding and doing maintenance on yourself until the right person gets on. All of us can grow!
Signed,
Ab