"FINE! I'm sorry....Did you hear me...I'm sorry! Are you happy now?"
They sat there in silence...until she left the room leaving him with a heavy aching heart filled with questions...
Why express yourself for all of this?
Why say I didn't like it when you said that to me or when you did this certain thing it hurt my feelings...What's the point if it leads to this moment almost every time?
An hour of debating and going back and forth with someone you love just to prove that they've wronged you. For whatever reason they fight you tooth and nail to avoid being wrong...to avoid sincerely saying "I'm sorry, that was on me, what can I do to make it right?"
With no accountability on her end in sight...she settles with "FINE! I'm sorry! are you happy now?" accompanied by an attitude and an exit. At this moment he no longer wants the apology and is left questioning the love he thought they had. A very big loss for the team...the type of loss that kills team morale and makes free agency look very appealing.
Many of us have acted out that scene...representing the man, woman, or both at some point in time...
The amount of love that is represented in the words "I'm sorry," delivered sincerely to someone that you've done wrong by is supremely underrated. I'll go as far as saying it's the single most important factor in any relationship that will stand the test of time. Sincere apologies say "I love you" more than than verbally saying "I love you" simply because it's an action that expresses the verbal statement. It's an action that says I mean it when I say I love you and I want to show you by acknowledging the hurt I've caused. In addition, I'm attempting to remove that same hurt that I've afflicted upon you now that you've made me aware of it. Sincere apologies say I want to reconcile this fracture I've caused because you matter to me. Not only do you matter to me...but we matter to me and if one of us is damaged then we're damaged. Real love lives at this level of sincerity.
This is the level a majority of us don't reach because of the foolish pride and deceit that overtakes our hearts in these important windows of opportunity...
It's not a window for us to feel sorry for ourselves or make excuses for why we did what we did. It's not a window for attitudes, sarcasm, dishonesty, falsehood, faking, or wallowing in our feelings of always feeling we're the one in the wrong. It's not a window for you to blame someone else...
It's a window to prove how true the love that we confess for someone is. A window to humble ourselves in our imperfections and recognize areas we can grow and be better in. A window to allow the person you love to practice forgiveness...
A sincere "I'm sorry" followed by the proper action of actually changing so the same fracture to someone's heart isn't made speaks in volumes to the person you're dealing with. We're human so mistakes are inevitable but being accountable for your mistakes and sincerely saying "I'm sorry" every time is a decision only you can make.
It's the lack of sincerity that drives us apart...
It's the continuous heartfelt honest "I'm sorry" that keep us together...
There's no real reconciliation without sincere apologies...
The long lasting true love that everyone is looking for lives inside of sincerity and reconciliation...
That long lasting true love lives inside of you...it's just tucked under your pride...
Signed,
Aaron "Ab" Abernathy
P.S. New York City! I hope to see you at my final Winter Sessions show w/ my band Nat Turner Feb. 28th! Info available here