“Found out the (wo)man I died for, (s)he wasn’t even concerned”
- Ms. Lauryn Hill
… and when I came out of THE SPIRIT, I noticed that we were sitting in front of a huge field of grass… with a forest of trees far off in the distance. ELOHIM asked me, “will you convey the message titled, ‘The Stifling Emotions of Boys to Men,’ you just wrote IN MY SPIRIT, to my daughters? …And will you do so with patience?”
I responded, “yes… yet, I’m not sure if they’ll hear me Lord…”
ELOHIM retorted: “Much like you?? Yet, am I not patient with you?”
Then, The Most High God moved out of the two seater car and said, “Let us walk to the forest my son.”
Still silenced by The Most High God’s response, I got out the car and began to walk with Him. In that very moment, I realized that we were in the wilderness and I felt His presence in a different manner as He began to speak to me.
“Aaron, I made you in the secret place and designed you to be soft, tender, gentle, and empathetic. I made you capable of speaking in women’s language! This is why you’ve told every single woman you’ve dated: ‘you just want to get to know them,’ in response to their pressure and high pursuit of a committed relationship with you, in a few weeks of knowing you. This is a huge flaw that they possess. If they would just speak to me, they would learn swiftly, that verbal commitments out of the mouths of males mean NOTHING! It is only repeated action over an extended period of time that proves a man worthy of their precious heart!”
I was shocked, as I nodded in response… and we proceeded to walk across the wilderness field.
ELOHIM continued: “I made you mental and more emotional intelligent than they are. This is problematic for them because you’re a code that they can’t crack….and when they can’t crack it, you’re understanding and empathetic to their feelings, which makes them like you more! It’s why they say, ‘I’ve never met someone like you before’ …every time…Right?”
I responded, “yes… every single time!“
ELOHIM continued: “Even the three ladies who told you they were celibate, and entrusted you with their celibacy… you respected their celibacy and soon enough they tried to lure you into their physical charade of traps. It says plenty about their so called celibate journey, as they trusted you to keep them in good standing instead of MAGEN-THE LORD!”
In this moment, THE SPIRIT OF CHRIST made me recollect every single memory of exactly what the Most High God spoke of. The virgin who wanted me to take her virginity in 2007, and the two born again virgins and their hypocritical boundary crossing advancements.
ELOHIM continued: “You kept them in good standing according to their celibate standard my son… which is not my standard by the way, YET! you kept them and it wasn’t your job! I’m happy about that!”
I was speechless as we continued to get closer to the forest…
ELOHIM continued: “Let me answer the question you were thinking but didn’t say aloud… Why did I make you this way? I made you monogamous to protect you. Monogamy got you through Howard University! Everybody thought you were crazy for being faithful to one woman from the time you were 19 until 24! I MADE YOU THAT WAY TO KEEP YOU! YOUR BODY BELONGS TO ME!
Let’s talk about SEX Aaron…”
In response to The Most High’s Statement… I let out a sigh of all sighs!!
ELOHIM countered with laughter and said: “Aaron, I made sex! I made it to be enjoyable within MY parameters. Sex within my parameters is a BOND, while sex outside of my parameters is BONDAGE! Even in your transgressions, I’ve protected you. Remember when I kept you in sex bondage with one woman in your youth… it protected you on your very first international tour with Slum Village! Remember the two girls who wanted a me’nage ‘a trios in Estonia…the very first night of tour! You stayed faithful to your lady even when there was no way she could ever find out about it!
Remember the night clerk you saw escorting the two ladies out when you went to get ice? Remember when the night clerk told you that they sleep with men and steal their passport and money! I WAS WITH YOU! I AM MAGEN-THE LORD!” You have stayed away from groupies your entire career because I HAVE BEEN WITH YOU! That long-term relationship in college saved your life and taught you to not be promiscuous! You’ve been selective and closed, because I only let the enemy have certain reign over you. I know you better than you know yourself…you know that right?”
I replied: “I do”
ELOHIM replied, “Not to the extent that I know! Let me show you something about you. Aaron, every woman you’ve dealt with has pressured and manipulated you to have sex with them! Every single one of them have made the first move! Then when you reject their advances and say ‘I just want to get to know you more,’ they don’t respect your request! They respond with tantrums, pouting, crying, insults of your character, they ask if you’re gay, and my favorite one they say to you is: ‘everybody is doing it except you,’ and the list goes on!
Aaron, imagine if you acted this way towards them if they didn’t want to have sex with you!! These are red flags my son. This is what you humans call a double standard right?”
I sighed, and said: “Yes, Abba Father.”
ELOHIM continued: “If it was left up to you, you’d actually take more time to actually get to know them… BUT you always give in to their tropes of manipulation because you don’t want them to feel bad!!!”
Agreeing, I responded, “So you’re going to just read me while we head towards this forest in the distance?”
ELOHIM replied: “It’s important to have revelation and truth in order for you to awaken. You are after hearts and that’s why you lead with your heart and want to get to know their heart before you attach yourself to their body! They want to know your body to entrap your heart! Then manipulate you with their victimhood of so called giving their body to you… WHEN REALITY IS THEY TOOK YOUR BODY FROM YOU… AND YOU GAVE IT TO THEM! All because you don’t want them to feel bad in that moment! You don’t want them to feel rejected right? Then they have a field day with your heart because I made you to have a HUGE HEART! You’re trapped in making sure they don’t feel bad and they know that about you my son! They use your great character, grace, and patience against you my son!
Aaron, the issue is… you should give me your heart FULLY… not partially…
Aaron, where are all the woman you’ve attached yourself to and made a fake family out of? What happened to all the women you loved… when they were disappointed over trivial matters?
How about the one who continuously told everyone around town that you were the love of her life, yet had an excuse for why a true relationship with you couldn’t happen every time you brought it up? Or how about the one who told all her friends you were non-committal, when she had absolutely no time for a committed relationship with you? Or how about the one whose vehicle you drove halfway across the country by yourself… when she was suppose to accompany you…and she bailed last minute because of ‘work,’ which was a lie! Then upon arriving in your city and getting her vehicle, in the one year time she lived there, she hardly ever came to spend time with you because she said ‘she doesn’t really like to drive and 30 minutes is too far to drive… when she was working remotely! Aaron, 30 minutes is too far to drive when you drove her car 18 hours?!?! She said she loved you right??
Or how about the so called ‘God fearing woman’ that you introduced to MY SPIRIT, and gave her the most grace and love, and taught her love on the back end just for her to not return your call when you are in need of some grace? Not even a small percentage of the grace you extended to her was extended back to you! She said she loved you right?
Aaron, where are the women who said they loved you when you need them? Whose words seemed sweet like honey and were music to your ears…
I could keep going my son… but you get my point. None of them are concerned about you! They are concerned about what you could do for them! Their actions show that!
Remember when I told you not to commit to anyone unless they’re the appointed wife I have for you! I said that for a reason. I know you think I’m taking too long… BUT
I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU! THEY ARE PLANS FOR GOOD AND NOT FOR DISASTER! - Jeremiah 29:11
You’ve gone and joined yourself to citizens of that country, and they’ve sent you into their fields to feed swine… And you’ve been so hungry for love that you’ve lost yourself feeding on the sorrow, victimhood, and manipulation of women I never assigned you to! You’ve been lost in their fields!
BUT I CAME TO PICK YOU UP IN THAT TWO SEATER BECAUSE FIELD DAY IS OVER!
And as we walk through this same wilderness field in which you served them over me, I’m witnessing you come back to yourself! I’ve been witnessing you come back to ME!
Luke 15:15-17
Aaron, my prodigal son… I see you and was with you even in your transgressions. I have compassion for you! I love you!! For it is why I came to pick you up on May 10th! I was elated when you got in the car because I’ve been waiting outside for a decade.”
I was speechless as the tears rolled down my face. I stopped dead in my tracks and pondered everything that had taken place thus far. I ruminated on the words imparted on me by ELOHIM.
I said: “I’m not worthy to be called your son! I have sinned against Heaven, and before thee!”
ELOHIM quickly countered and said: “Your admission of your transgressions grants you access back to me! Come and let me lead you out of this place forever more.”
…and in that moment I tilted my head back and THE SPIRIT OF CHRIST OVER CAME ME as I began to pray a prayer of repentance in HIS SPIRIT!
…and when I came to, I noticed we had cross the entire field as the conversation ended…and I followed ELOHIM into the forest.